Panic Attack

Panic Attack

The fast paced breaths,

The cold sweats and the image of my head being in a cage,

My heart yealped and wailed for help,

But the toungue failed.

Staggerig to find my place,
I sit down trying to calm the storm that hit me,
Little did it help,
The old creaky vault of my memories opened up.

Dusting up the old videos of my memories, 
The brain decided to revisit them,
Trying to trace us from the fragmented torned up peices,
Stifling myself even further. 

Episodes like this started to pop up, 
Since we decided to part ways, 
A decision which I was never a part of, 
My heart sinking down an abyss was the only thing I remember. 

For hours I would sit in the dark,
In the very corner of the room where we would cuddle up and be lost in the dreams,
Waiting for you to come and hug me close, 
And not let me be cold beside the fireplace. 

Each sandgrain drops from its place to the bottom of the hourglass,
In slow motion it was like even the time around me was giving me a chance to wake up from my nightmare, 
But it was all in my mind, 
The void never ceased to exist. 

The place which was ours now sublet itself to the empty bottles around me, 
To the smoke which would hover as if asking me to join them, 
Somehow I would survive only to be tortured by the memories of us around me,
Days would pass until you stop living on the canvas hanging on my walls. 

Panic attacks seemed to be my new address of us,
With each attack I would feel a bit closer to you, 
Your fragnance which would keep me housed, 
The touch of yours would keep me away from reality. 

My body now a cocktail of medicines, 
Would beg for more, 
Resisting my will to keep me close to you, 
It would bring me back to the corner of the room. 

Hugging myself, 
As if trying to keep me warm, 
With beads of sweat on my head, 
Trying to gather my fallen strength. 

I would walk my way to you, 
Only to be surrounded by a voice begging to see you, 
Crossing the road while my head spliting itself from my body,
Crashing into a car blocking my path.

The gurney now housing my limp body, 
With morphine now running inside of me, 
I could see you asking for me to come to you,
Obliging I closed my eyes. 

Looking at you hugging me and protecting my brittle soul, 
I clock out of this life, 
While the doctors trying to get me out of my V-Fib, 
I resist every attempt. 

With my open lifeless eyes, 
My memories now the world where I live in, 
Not realising that it was you who held my hand,
When all I could think of was the life that we now live in my memories 

This Is What it Takes

This Is What It Takes

As today I take the stand;
and see you the opposite side,
Taking the blows for our failures, 
With every accusation I take.

I saw the shallowness in your eyes, 
The love we had fading into the smoke of doubt, 
Why did it had to be this way, 
In public airing our dirty laundry. 

I remember the first time we met each other, 
In the bar when I was surrounded with bodies, 
But was all alone in the sea of the crowd, 
You had me at that moment when you smiled at me.

Each day we couldn't let a day go by, 
Without talking to each other,
Both of us knew what we had was distinctive, 
Hours we used to spend with each other without a flinch. 

Now as years have passed, 
Our perfect fairytale shattered, 
The divorce was evident, 
But we tried to fight it. 

The hours of therapy down the drain, 
The late night dinners are just a fragment of our life, 
You had a total eclipse of my heart, 
Now the with the shadow disappearing. 

All I can think is how to keep you happy, 
To keep that dove like eyes to stop casting its spell upon me, 
You had taken everything from my soul to my body, 
And as we write the final chapter to our book. 

I am left here thinking, 
What I had done to transform the tender little heart, 
Poisoned with hatred, 
And as I see you go out of the court, 
Leaving me for one final time, 

You would know I would always love you, 
And to see that smile that won me over, 
I guess it had to be this way to see you happy, 
I guess this is what it takes. 

Humanity

Gravity

She woke up like a winter's morning sunshine 

With the pudgy smell of the medicine and a light head 
She had no blood in her but only morphine running in her veins 
She was now a human dependent on machines

She wondered how she got here 
In the serene white background with the hustle and bustle 
Of the doctors and the visitors
Thinking of how she ends up in this vegetative state 

The frontal lobe damaged and her memory gone 
It was how her luck had it 
The world had nothing but sympathy for her 
But who knew what was going on in her head 

She stood tall 
Despite the state she was in 
She was born to survive 
Like the fox she knew that she would find a way 

Just after a few days 
The machines were replaced by people 
The morphine was replaced by grit 
She was destined to fight her fate 

She never recognized anyone 
But until one day when she saw him 
She remembered everything 
How she went through the torture 

He had been everything to her 
A friend, a guide and a confidante 
But who knew that he was the beast incarnated 
He was supposed to be her friend

He had mutilated the poor soul 
Harmed her mentally and physically 
To an extent that he threw her out of the moving car 
Never did he know that karma would bite him back 

She never forgave him 
For the hurt, the broken trust an the broken soul 
The angst and the frustration made her pull the trigger 
She slayed him the moment she had lost her control 

The poor soul 
Who knew what she had went trough 
Her body had endured the pain and the suffering 
With a peaceful mind she went away to a place where there was no right or wrong 

A place which had justice for all 
And punishments at all 
The judges were the supreme leaders 
And women were treated fair 

Alas it never was like that here 
It had everything that could mow down the hope and the humanity