Panic Attack

Panic Attack

The fast paced breaths,

The cold sweats and the image of my head being in a cage,

My heart yealped and wailed for help,

But the toungue failed.

Staggerig to find my place,
I sit down trying to calm the storm that hit me,
Little did it help,
The old creaky vault of my memories opened up.

Dusting up the old videos of my memories, 
The brain decided to revisit them,
Trying to trace us from the fragmented torned up peices,
Stifling myself even further. 

Episodes like this started to pop up, 
Since we decided to part ways, 
A decision which I was never a part of, 
My heart sinking down an abyss was the only thing I remember. 

For hours I would sit in the dark,
In the very corner of the room where we would cuddle up and be lost in the dreams,
Waiting for you to come and hug me close, 
And not let me be cold beside the fireplace. 

Each sandgrain drops from its place to the bottom of the hourglass,
In slow motion it was like even the time around me was giving me a chance to wake up from my nightmare, 
But it was all in my mind, 
The void never ceased to exist. 

The place which was ours now sublet itself to the empty bottles around me, 
To the smoke which would hover as if asking me to join them, 
Somehow I would survive only to be tortured by the memories of us around me,
Days would pass until you stop living on the canvas hanging on my walls. 

Panic attacks seemed to be my new address of us,
With each attack I would feel a bit closer to you, 
Your fragnance which would keep me housed, 
The touch of yours would keep me away from reality. 

My body now a cocktail of medicines, 
Would beg for more, 
Resisting my will to keep me close to you, 
It would bring me back to the corner of the room. 

Hugging myself, 
As if trying to keep me warm, 
With beads of sweat on my head, 
Trying to gather my fallen strength. 

I would walk my way to you, 
Only to be surrounded by a voice begging to see you, 
Crossing the road while my head spliting itself from my body,
Crashing into a car blocking my path.

The gurney now housing my limp body, 
With morphine now running inside of me, 
I could see you asking for me to come to you,
Obliging I closed my eyes. 

Looking at you hugging me and protecting my brittle soul, 
I clock out of this life, 
While the doctors trying to get me out of my V-Fib, 
I resist every attempt. 

With my open lifeless eyes, 
My memories now the world where I live in, 
Not realising that it was you who held my hand,
When all I could think of was the life that we now live in my memories 

This Is What it Takes

This Is What It Takes

As today I take the stand;
and see you the opposite side,
Taking the blows for our failures, 
With every accusation I take.

I saw the shallowness in your eyes, 
The love we had fading into the smoke of doubt, 
Why did it had to be this way, 
In public airing our dirty laundry. 

I remember the first time we met each other, 
In the bar when I was surrounded with bodies, 
But was all alone in the sea of the crowd, 
You had me at that moment when you smiled at me.

Each day we couldn't let a day go by, 
Without talking to each other,
Both of us knew what we had was distinctive, 
Hours we used to spend with each other without a flinch. 

Now as years have passed, 
Our perfect fairytale shattered, 
The divorce was evident, 
But we tried to fight it. 

The hours of therapy down the drain, 
The late night dinners are just a fragment of our life, 
You had a total eclipse of my heart, 
Now the with the shadow disappearing. 

All I can think is how to keep you happy, 
To keep that dove like eyes to stop casting its spell upon me, 
You had taken everything from my soul to my body, 
And as we write the final chapter to our book. 

I am left here thinking, 
What I had done to transform the tender little heart, 
Poisoned with hatred, 
And as I see you go out of the court, 
Leaving me for one final time, 

You would know I would always love you, 
And to see that smile that won me over, 
I guess it had to be this way to see you happy, 
I guess this is what it takes. 

Somebody's Me

Somebody's Me

With the time passing by 
And my mind running like a gazelle in a field 
Is held captive with your thoughts 
How could a person imprison the human mind 

With each passing moment 
I see my life in troubled waters 
With a trenchant storm waiting to feast on me 
Who had wondered that the world would change 

You came into my life 
When I stayed in gloom 
With the darkness being the fuel to my soul 
And then in the vortex of the storm 

A little rose that came into my life 
You tried to stop the storm consume me 
And had shown me the world of light 
A world so pure that vengeance and reprisal do not exist 

But then till how long does a volcano lay dormant
You promised to be by my side 
No matter where I belong 
You had kindled my soul 

Unleashing the demon in me to take control 
You left me in ashes thinking I would not survive
You were like gravity 
When you were in my life 

Now it is funny how my soul levitates 
Spellbound by your charm 
Trying to find you in the present 
While you are there in the past 

How could one person hold the key to your destruction 
And today as I sit here watching the world burn 
Trying to find you back and take my soul along with you 
I wonder if you wanted me to disappear 

And as I fight this final battle 
With the sword thirsty for blood
And eyes bloodshot 
Tears rolling down my face 

I ponder if this is what fate had in store for me 
As is imagine you watching me fighting against the world 
I hope you see the man who loved you 
And understand that there is somebody who still loves you more than himself 
That the somebody's me