A Minute

A Minute

Standing at the very place where I met you,

Gazing into the open field,

Listening to the leaves rustling,

Breathing the smell of the dew on top of the grass.

For a second, 

I could feel the warmth of your hand,

Grazing my palm,

The place which became our happy place.

With my mind playing its game,

Seeing you in front of me,

Knowing that you are not here anymore,

I try to call out your name. 

Only to find my tongue-tied,

My breathing shallow,

Tears welling up in my eyes,

With little strength to stand, my knees start to buckle.

Sipping the whiskey, 

I look at you fading in the background,

Realizing that it was just my memory being plagued by you,

Closing my eyes only to be tormented by your voice, "It's going to be alright Udit".

You left me for your heart,

Forgetting that you took mine along,

Leaving me in the house where it all began,

Sentencing my punishment to be held captive by your memories.

With my body filled with the scars from the cuts I would make,

Looking for a way to find an escape from you,

Shuddering in pain my body trembles, 

Broken I stand in front of the empty room only to be engulfed by the guilt of my behaviour.

Staggering my way to have I final glimpse,

I drive through the madhouse, 

Trying to catch a break from the pain,

Breathing slowly mumbling the words I have left unsaid.

Drunk out of my mind,

Yelling your name,

I see our life running like a film reel in front of me,

Only to see the little diamonds whizzing, kissing my skin, my head thuds into the steering wheel.

Waking up with drowsy eyes,

I hear you call out my name,

Like a maniac, I let myself loose from the steel mesh I was entrapped in,

Entombed by your memories, shrieking like a little child lost in the circus. 

The smell of the dew hit my nostrils,

The smell of the fresh meadow,

The little fragrance of you,

Plunging myself to the last happy memory that I had.

I see you with your hair wet,

With little beads of water on your forehead,

You hold my head making me lost in those mesmerising eyes of yours,

Kissing me on my forehead. 

Trying to struggle on my feet, 

I realise the surrounding around me,

How fitting it is to end the tale we had started at the very place where it began,

Trying to reach for your hand I step forward,

Dripping little beads of red on top of the green grass,

Hearing the sirens from a distance,

I could see you fade away smiling at me, 

Like a demolished building, I collapse on the ground,

Mouthing your name for the final time.

Asking the Lord for a minute,

A minute to just look at you, 

A minute to just hear your voice for the final time, 

Just one final minute. 

With my eyes wide open, 

And your name the only voice coming out of my bloody heap,

The silence was all I got in return,

As the people try to lift me up,

I saw your ghost for the final time, 

With that same beaming smile,

Standing there, long enough for the final beads of blood to escape my body,

Sleeping for the final time with my lifeless eyes wide open.

The Silence

The Silence

Holding myself like a child I wail,
In the field surrounded by nothing but darkness and the ghosts that haunt me, 
Mustering up the courage to stand, I collapse, 
Dazing into the starry skies hearing nothing but just your voice. 

"Udit, I miss you. It is lonely over here",
Says the ghost of you that has crippled my life today,
Torturing myself with the guilt of what I must have forced you to go through,
I stagger towards the broken house which was ours.

Smelling the air which lets go of the hounds from my past,
"Breathe, just breathe", the ghost voiced cradling my head in her laps, 

Dazed and on my knees my body started to tremble, 
I close my eyes just to figure out how I ended up here.

Funny how the one who saved me from my own abyss,
Became the one who pushed my soul back from where I took off,
Never would I have thought that this is what our love will turn into,
From gardens filled with lilies to ruins of a building waiting for its bricks to fall.

Our love had metamorphosed from the happy silence to the shrill scream in the middle of the night, 
The blackbirds now hover me as if a message from God himself,
Begging for me to come to his shelter,
With little courage, I muster my strength to stand up.  

Standing in front of you,
Asking the unanswered questions,
Your heart took you away from me,
Reminding me of my failures. 

Spiralling down the rabbit hole,
Laughing like a maniac, 
I lunged forward for the drawer which held my gate pass,
Looking at you with nothing but forgiveness in my eyes.

With one snap, I find myself crumbling into a heap of flesh. 
Sighing for one last time, flashbacks racing in my head for the last time. 
Our first ice cream, to us, holding hands in the cold. 
From our first kiss to the last goodbye. 

The loud sirens breaking the tranquillity of the night,
Surrounded by people trying to find their way to me,
Only to find me with a wound in my chest,
In the little red pool.

Trying hard to resuscitate me,
I see you standing in the crowd that surrounds me,
Teary-eyed only to see me smile for the last time,
With a sigh I let you go of your misery. 

As the darkness now houses my vision,
I pay Charon for my final voyage,
Looking back at you for one final time,
Wondering how the silence between us became our fall.